


Fragile

by Orithain, Rina9294



Series: Reactionary POVs [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 04:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5234441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orithain/pseuds/Orithain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rina9294/pseuds/Rina9294
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over-tired, over-stimulated McKay stream of consciousness ficlet, and John's reaction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rodney

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted July 2005.

How long has it been?

Two days? Three? Somewhere along the way it’s all turned into a long, horrible blur broken by sudden jolts of elation even though they never lasted long because things never worked perfectly; I never could make them work perfectly. If I had...

Well, it doesn’t matter any more; we were saved because of one suicidal Air Force major and the arrival of a big-ass ship from Earth. Bang, boom, bye-bye Wraith—until the next time anyway.

God, I’m tired, but I can’t sleep; I couldn’t even without the stimulants Carson gave me, haven’t since Peter died.

That’s what scares me; not dying—well, not more than in an ‘oh shit, there’s so much I still want to do manner’, but dying alone. If someone was there, someone you cared about, it wouldn’t be so bad, but alone? That’s Hell.

Wonderful, now I’m turning introspective. Isn’t it enough that I feel like my nerves are made of glass because of the drugs? Everything’s too sharp, too defined, and I feel like I could shatter if someone bumped into me too hard.

This hyper-awareness sucks, especially since there’s nowhere to direct it right now; everything’s chaos. There are repairs that need to be made, but my hands are shaking too much to do them, and besides, it would be messy if I touched something and my fingers broke off.

Can’t ask Carson for a relaxant because he’s got too much to do right now; people are maimed, so what’s one over-stimulated, made-of-glass physicist to that? The drugs will wear off eventually, and then I’ll sleep—I hope. If he’s back.

And just like that, there he is, like some genie conjured from some piece of Ancient technology I touched by accident. He looks tired, worn, but triumphant. Soft, he looks soft, and maybe if I touch him, my spun-glass nerves won’t shatter.

I know if he touches me, they will; jagged edges cutting into his softness and making him bleed, however unintentionally.

Don’t touch me; I can’t let you.

Don’t. Touch. Me.

Don’t.

Don’t...


	2. John

I’m alive. Go figure. I never really thought I’d see Atlantis again, never be standing here surrounded by stuff that lights up when I brush against it, and that was okay because it would still be here. He would.

I did what I had to, to save the people it was my duty to protect, but I wish I’d had time to explain. "So long, Rodney." That was all I said before I took off, and I know it was the only way, but oh, I wish I’d had time to say everything I wanted to.

And I’m going to wish that even more once he gets over being glad I’m back and remembers it.

Maybe I could ship out on the Daedalus? Naw, he’d just hunt me down and drag me back and be even more pissed. Not to mention that this is my home now.

There he is. God, he looks like hell, tired and wired, and his hands are shaking, and I don’t care if the new arrivals from Earth are here, I have to go to him.

He’s in my arms now, where he belongs, and I can feel the tremors brought on by exhaustion and too many stimulants... and maybe reaction to my return?

He’s alive, and that makes everything worthwhile. My home is still here.

"Hi, Rodney."


End file.
